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[Fic] Sound Medical Practice

No, not Leverage. STAR TREK. Damn you, original fandoms. Originally for the kink meme, but it has *absolutely no kink*. I just like putting Kirk in uncomfortable positions. The prompt was "It's kinda long".

Title: Sound Medical Practice
Fandom: New!Trek
Rating: Gen
Warning: Original Aliens. Well, it's Trek.

Saving a civilisation was awesome. Medals were awesome. Receiving the gratitude of twins - one boy, one girl - with four arms each who insisted on calling him "Captain" even in bed was hella awesome.

Opera was not awesome.

Jim put a finger in his collar and tugged, wondering if he could actually render himself unconscious and get a medical evacuation.

"Don't even think about it," Bones breathed in his ear, and he released the collar and straightened, as the dignitaries in the box across the opera house waved their ornate glasses at him.

"It's not even translated," Jim protested. On stage, the prima donna was holding some sort of crown with her lower arms and rhythmically raising and lowering her upper ones. The dude in front of her was dying or swimming or something that took a lot of artistic writhing and long, long, long singing.

"He’s praising the sweet agonies of giving birth,” Uhura said, through a perfect smile that said how happy she was to be here with the Jillapians and their lovely culture. Her lips weren’t even moving! “Shut up and enjoy the spoils of victory. Captain.”

Someone just volunteered for two weeks on gamma shift.”

“You can take it, Jim,” Bones said, and snagged the program from his lap. Jim would have protested, except he’d already read it four times. “It says here that it’s only… oh, three more hours. Well, that’s just great.”

"Shhh," Chekov hissed. "Is best part!"

Jim stared at him. The Russian kid was waving a finger in time with the music, eyes crinkled up at the corners. The prima donna put the crown on the dude’s head and stepped back, and Chekov let out an excited breath that was almost a squeak.

“On the other hand, Captain,” Bones said, after the uncomfortable pause. “You do appear to be lethargic. That’s a symptom for a number of fatal and contagious conditions.”

Jim straightened, and then slumped. “What do you recommend, Doctor McCoy?”

“Sound medical practice would suggest a check-up, sir.”

Jim sighed. Nobly. “Well, I hate to leave this exciting display of musical prowess, but medical emergencies take priority. Please make my apologies to the Jillapians, Lieutenant Uhura.”

“I will kill you both,” Uhura promised through her pretty, pretty smile.

“Something else to look forward to,” Jim said. “Mr. Scott? Two to beam up.”



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 13th, 2009 05:30 am (UTC)
You know what else is kinda long? The amount of time Uhura will wait in order to plot a perfect revenge.
Jun. 13th, 2009 07:08 am (UTC)
...I have a sudden desire for Uhura revenge!fic. I imagine it would involve lots of her blinking very innocently while Kirk's live unravels hilariously around him.
Jun. 13th, 2009 07:31 am (UTC)
Tell you what! I'll write it as a special present when we finish Sophie's Week Off.
Jun. 13th, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)
They're gonna *get* it. Possibly in that magical linguistic way where they think they're saying:
"It is a pleasure to make the acquaintance of so great a personage as yourself, o Ambassador of Ambassadors. We would like to trade with you to acquire delicacies."

and instead they're saying something like:
"On my homeworld, a sexual preference for small poultry is considered unremarkable, which is why I am allowed to command this ship. Do you have any likely looking chicks?"
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


Toph eyes open

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